Friday, March 25, 2005

Rent for Apartment

A man met a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500.00. So they spent the night together. In the morning, before he left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment "Rent for Apartment."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he sent a cheque for $250.00 and enclosed a note:


Dear Madam,
Enclosed find a cheque in the amount of $250.00 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:

1. It had never been occupied.
2. There was plenty of heat.
3. It was small enough to make me cosy and at home.

Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the following reply.....


Dear Sir:

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord.

I will expect full payment due immediately or I will be forced to hire someone to remove your furniture.

Bathroom graffiti

Bathroom graffiti - 01
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger, Or
shall I be forced to use my finger.

Bathroom graffiti - 02
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.


Bathroom graffiti - 03
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls.


Bathroom graffiti - 04
(Written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line,...
the Hillsboro Fire Department want's you.


Bathroom graffiti - 05
(Sign posted in a bathroom)
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!


Bathroom graffiti - 06
(Seen above a urinal)
Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!


Bathroom graffiti - 07
Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing machine were these words:
"Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."


Bathroom graffiti - 08
(On the inside of a toilet door)
Patrons are requested to remain seated
throughout the entire performance


Bathroom graffiti - 09
"$1.49 - All You Can Eat" (with an arrow pointing down into the toilet)

Bathroom graffiti - 10
(A sign I saw at a swimming pool once)
We don't swim in your toilet,
so please don't pee in our pool!

Bathroom graffiti - 11
(Another sign seen at a swimming pool)
Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.

Bathroom graffiti - 12
(In the men's room at a Burger King restaurant)
It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good food into shit.
It only takes Burger King 10 minutes.

Bathroom graffiti - 13
(Sign seen at a restaurant)
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food.........
please aim properly.

Bathroom graffiti - 14
(Here's one seen above a urinal)
look up
look up
[even higher on the wall]
keep looking up
[on the ceiling]
Quick! Look down! You're pissing on your shoes!


Bathroom graffiti - 15
(Written above a urinal)
Why are you looking up here ?
Are you ashamed of it?


Bathroom graffiti - 16
Some people come here to take a shit,
I come here to leave one.

Bathroom graffiti - 17
Here I sit so broken hearted
Tried to shit but only farted
how much longer must I linger
before I have to use my finger

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Filming couples with hidden cameras - Read msg below Posted by Hello

Filming couples with hidden cameras

Ludhiana, March 4
An alert newly wed couple today exposed a shocking racket in a five star hotel, Park Plaza, involving filming by hotel staff of intimate moments of unsuspecting couples staying in different rooms for the past several months.

The hotel is owned by Mr J. Khangura, a Congress leader whose wife had unsuccessfully contested the last Assembly elections from Kila Raipur in this district.

The bridegroom, Mr Harpreet Singh, suffered deep wounds on the head, chest and arms when he challenged the voyeurs and grappled with them. The accused, four in number, who were wearing clothes resembling the uniforms of waiters and security staff of the hotel, attacked him with sharp-edged weapons in room No. 114.

The bridegroom has been admitted to the CMC hospital. The couple belongs to Ludhiana.

The police arrested two employees later in the evening on charges of filming the couple and attempt to murder. The accused have confessed to the crime.

A senior official of the city police confirmed the arrest of houseman Parminder Pohal and daily-wager Raju Sahni.

The police also confiscated the camera used in the crime. Search was on to find the bloodstained clothes of one of the injured accused.

There was blood all over the room, which had been decorated by the relatives a few hours before the incident.

Interestingly, the hotel staff did not call for ambulance or the police immediately after the incident. Instead, the chief security officer and other managers came to the site over one and half hours after the incident.

The relatives alleged that senior hotel staff were hand in glove with the accused.

The police found a trail of blood from the window to a room in the hotel through the terrace and a banquet hall.

The police has detained hotel manager Nipun Vig, chief security officer Khajuria and several unidentified hotel employees. One of them had a fresh injury.

Narrating the sequence of events from his hospital bed, Mr Harpreet Singh said they reached the room around 2.15 am after a reception at the same hotel.

He went to take a wash shortly thereafter. “When I came out, I noticed that the curtain of the window, which faces the terrace, was slightly open whereas earlier it was fully drawn. When I went near it, I saw three persons with a camera. As I challenged them and tried to open the window, one of them threw some object through the glass, which shattered the glass and hit my head.”

He tried to grapple with the accused, who could not flee since the area was congested.

The accused attacked him fearing they had been recognised from their uniforms. Harpreet was hit on the chest and arms and he fell down. His wife fainted at the sight of the accused.

She regained composure after some time and called up the receptionist, who allegedly sent no help. They called their parents and other relatives, who were staying at the Circuit House here, and they reached the scene before the hotel security staff.

They called the police and ambulance. “The security wing of the hotel made no attempt to catch the culprits by securing the exit points,” he alleged.

The racket has shaken the city residents, many of whom had been staying in the hotel.

Businessmen, bureaucrats, celebrities and film stars stay in the hotel during their visits to the city. The police believes that the group has been working in an organised manner for the past several months and might have filmed many couples.

Already a video clipping titled “Park Plaza” is in circulation through mobile phones in the city. The police is now linking the clip with the racket in the hotel.

Interestingly, a receptionist who was being interrogated had allegedly asked the couple over the intercom to lower the volume of the television just 15 minutes before the incident. The police suspected that it was done to minimise interference with the recording.

Another receptionist had specifically given room No. 114 to the couple saying it was earmarked for the newly married couples.

The police found specially made holes to insert mikes or bugs in two rooms, Nos. 112 and 114. The police also found two holes in the windows.

The holes faced beds in both the rooms. The hotel staff allegedly tried to put pressure on the police team led by SP R.K. Jaiswal.

A case of attempt to murder, trespassing and violation of the Obscenities Act has been registered against unidentified persons at Division No. 5 police station.

SSP Narinderpal Singh and SP R.K. Jaiswal told mediapersons that the hotel had no security arrangements.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Get inet cafe videos - 10 MB

Size approx. 10 MB
quality : good.
lenght : 4 min

http://rapidshare.de/files-de/64277...unk_01.avi.html

Sunday, March 13, 2005

e - Motions. Posted by Hello

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Delhi School & Trisha Videos

Check out : http://anaragupta.com/

There are 2 video clips available on this page. If the links are busy, keep trying 6-7 alternate links. One of them is bound to work. If not come back at a later time.

I cannot guarantee how long these vids will be available. Videos are free to view. The videos are hosted by a third party site and they are provided as a link.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Oral sex: How to become an expert in cunnilingus

Many couples, straight or lesbian, use cunnilingus as a mean to greatly enhance their sexual experience and pleasure. In case you haven't used it so far, or don't know how to do it properly, and are still reluctant to use it, here you can find some good thoughts on how to do it like an expert. The method below was used on so many women, that all turned this experience into a highly refined orgasm, and even a multiple one. You can consider it the universal method, it's how most people perform cunnilingus on their partner.

First, you should know that lots of women are shy about their body. Your partner needs to be told she is beautiful and re-assured that there is nothing wrong with her body, in case she has a sort of disability or not so great body. Especially tell her you love her great legs. Make her trust you and feel comfortable with you in bed.

When you start to touch and caress her, don't go down straight to her sex, start slowly to caress her other erogenous zones of her body, and kiss her gently. Have in view her face (lips, eyes, neck, etc.), breasts, belly, and only after that her legs. If you turn her on by doing that, prior to the licking part itself, you've "won half the battle", i.e. she now wants you! Take a good look, with admiration, between her legs: it's great, isn't it? Adore her sex, because it will bring you a lot of pleasure.

Her pussy is unique. Learn to love it, in case you accidentally still don't, and tell her why you particularly like her sex. Women like to hear nice words, especially if they are true, so don't be shy and tell her what you like. Caress her sex gently, she will like it for sure, any girl likes her sex to be caressed. After you caress her pubic hair, continue with her labia, and with her inner lips. Don't forget at this time to already have your finger(s) wet, if they are not make them wet (put them into your mouth, or if she accepts it, in her mouth). Don't start to rub, even gently, with a dry finger! It's unpleasant for her, and you'll ruin the evening. Gently insert a finger or two inside her sex, you'll also see how wet she is (or not yet!) and your finger will stay wet this way. Even if you start to see her clit (which for most women is small and hidden, when not aroused), don't touch it yet. You can start by now to kiss her inner side of the legs. Don't rush with that, if you want to lick your lover's sex for HER pleasure too, and not only for yours, you have to make her reach that moment when she becomes totally aroused, just waiting for your tongue to fulfill its mission. When you kiss her (and here you can play in many ways, according to your imagination), come closer to her vulva, and start licking her inner lips and stick your tongue inside her. Think of inserting your tongue inside her as if it were your penis, and move it inside and outside. It's a sort of making sex to her with your tongue. Although she will not feel as great as when her clit is licked, it will arouse her so much that it will open your way to her big prize, the clit. Generally, licking the clit only drives her to orgasm. Take care not to touch her genital area (especially the inner side or clit) with your beard or moustache, it may be unpleasant for her; ask her if it so - if you are not freshly shaved avoid this by placing your fingers or hand between your mouth and her sex (cutting the moustache/beard's contact with her sex), and let only your tongue and lips make the oral contact. After this phase, you can now lick a bit her clit, just a bit, give her the sensation of a great achievement, that things are on the right track. Kiss very gently her clit, very gently, then start to lick on it. Not fast at all at the beginning, but in time increase the speed of your licking, you'll see she will respond to it. She will even tell you when to go faster, and not stop. It will take some time until she reaches orgasm, so you need to be good or trained in this. When you reached the phase of accelerated clit licking, don't stop or take your tongue off it. I suggest you kiss her clit and the small area around, and while sucking it (aspiring it) gently in your mouth (DON'T touch it with your teeth!) lick it. So, lick while having it aspired inside your mouth. And move your tongue with her body (i.e. move and don't break the contact of your tongue with her clit), don't fight her. If you need to take a break for your heroic tongue, do it by replacing your tongue with a finger (already wet - before resting the tongue insert your finger inside her wet vagina or inside your mouth), so that you always maintain a contact with her clit (and fast rub, as well). When you are ready to use your tongue again, replace the finger by the tongue. If you think to continue only with your finger, forget it (if you are not that exhausted, and want her to have a great time). A tongue is much better than a finger! In the meanwhile you can also spread her legs more (gently), if you want so, she will agree to that with no opposition. By no means you are allowed to stop until she reaches orgasm. Even then, continue until she tells you to stop. She can easily have a second or even third orgasm, so even if it's tough for you to go on for such a long time, she will be so greatful in the end that she'll call you for more in the future, and you also might get a good fellatio in return!

You can add to this also fingers insertion (2 is the best, not 1, not 3). Some women do not like to have fingers inserted in their vagina. If so, they will take your fingers from there with their hands. But you can try. If she doesn't remove your fingers, then she surely likes it, and this way is a better stimulation than with a tongue alone, or even than normal sex. Just make sure that your fingers are not rough, in case you have performed rough manual work in your life. It would be unpleasant for her. In such a case, better use the backside of your fingers, even for caresses on her body, not only in the vaginal area. Or instead of fingers (be it rough or piano-player type) you can use a dildo, your nose (or even forehead), or you can caress or insert a finger in her anus. Again, if she agrees. Just remember here, that once you insert a finger in her anus, don't re-insert it later in her vagina! It will cause infection for her. So, be creative, especially if you have a long-term partner. Diversify your sex life so both do not get bored, e.g. pour some Chantilly-type cream or Honey on her pussy (just like you would like some pudding or Honey on your penis during a fellatio), some wine or champagne, and lick both her sex and the added "ingredient". Prior to engaging in cunnilingus, you can give her a banana to suck on it erotically, so you can enjoy this scene visually. And afterwards, you can caress her body and sex with a (previously cleaned, of course) rose or feather, the options are countless, as you can see!

After she tells you to stop since all her genital area got sensitive, remember to still gently caress her breasts and body, and kiss her face. Don't do it very passionately, or she will "burn" again for a sex session, but just to make her comfortable after sex. Women need that a lot. Men don't, but women do, remember that! Women like sometimes to continue cunnilingus with intercourse, but sometimes not, and just enjoy the recent orgasm(s). She'll tell you to continue by penetrating her, if this is what she wants, if not she will not tell you this. So, in case you haven't finished, you can go on with a normal intercourse, she will normally like to continue the nice sensation (only in case her clit has not become too sensitive).

If you do all that, and "feel" the responses of your lady (encourage her prior to engaging sex to tell you what she wants and how she wants, to describe it), then you won her respect and you can consider yourself a Ph. D. graduate in oral sex upon a woman.



So,remember:
Don't use your teeth at all, don't blow into her sex, act according to her responses to your stimulation, and once you started the fast rhythm don't let go on her clit until she reaches orgasm (or multiple orgasm). Encourage her to tell you what she needs and when she's about to have an orgasm. Get some air, especially if you prefer face sitting (you lying under her, and her pussy above your mouth and tongue, even pressing a bit on them). In case of face sitting, put a pillow under your head, or your neck will get very tensed, and especially make her rub back and forth against your tongue that you keep outside (with her sex and clit). She will do it lousily at the beginning, since women are not used with this unnatural kind of motion for them, but you can move her with a hand on her butt and a hand on her pubic hair, until she gets the move or reaches orgasm. Now that you know all the theory, practice what you have just learned and drive your partner crazy. Good luck. - join www.groups.yahoo.com/group/bangaloreshyguys

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Rent for Apartment

A man met a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500.00. So they spent the night together. In the morning, before he left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment "Rent for Apartment."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he sent a cheque for $250.00 and enclosed a note:


Dear Madam,

Enclosed find a cheque in the amount of $250.00 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:

1. It had never been occupied.
2. There was plenty of heat.
3. It was small enough to make me cosy and at home.

Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the following reply.....


Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord.

I will expect full payment due immediately or I will be forced to hire someone to remove your furniture.